Friday, May 23, 2008

Brayden at Daycare

This past year while I was finishing up my schooling and trying to get some students loans down to a manageble debt Brayden got to go to the best daycare. It was a small daycare at ISU, and it was the best care Brayden could get, next to Caleb and mine. It was so comforting to know that while I was trying to fullfill one of my dreams of earning a college degree my other little dream, having a beautiful baby boy, was being taken care of.
This is a picture of Brayden running around playing with the baby stroller.

They had the coolest playground for Brayden to play in. He absolutely LOVES to play outside!
I wanted to post pictures of him with all of his friends at daycare, but thought I better not just in case their parents didn't want their kids pictures posted on the web. Better safe then sorry.

Now that the semester is over Brayden's daycare is closed for the summer, and I am no longer considered an ISU student (just alumni :) ) so it would be way too expensive for Brayden to keep going to this daycare next year.
So now I have a huge decision to make. Now that I completed one dream of being a college graduate do I start my next dream of being a full time mom, having the oppurtunity to stay home and enjoy one of the most special gifts God has given me. Or do I work to clean up a lot of the debt I put Caleb and me in so I could fulfill my first dream. For many people it is very easy to make the decision but for me it is not so easy. Why? Well let me try to explain. I am torn. I love Brayden so much, in fact words can not describe how this little guy has changed my life and just how much I love him. My heart wants to stay home with Brayden and pray that our finances will work out; that the huge amount of school debt that I put us in will not eat us up alive. But my mind is telling me that I HATE DEBT, and in order to get out from under what I put us in I need to buck up and help Caleb take some of the financial burden. It isn't fair for Caleb to have to try and juggle two jobs and fatherhood just becuase I had to go to school to fullfill one of my dreams. It wasn't his dream that I have a college degree, it was mine. But at the same time it also isn't fair for Brayden to have to be raised by strangers so I can clean up the financial mess I put us in. Do you see while I am torn? What am I supposed to do? WAIT don't answer that... Caleb and I need to figure this out on our own. So I will be doing A LOT of praying, searching, pondering, crying, and a whole lot of other stuff to find out the answer.
WOW I just went off on a huge tangent! Sorry. I just started this blog so that you could see how cute Brayden is, and how much he loved going to ISU daycare. But I do have to admit that it felt really good to write out my thoughts, and to know that maybe now you all will understand my dilemia. I am trying to be the best mom I know how to be and at the same time a strong wife that can help, support, and love my wonderful husband. All the while trying to fullfill some of my life dreams.



2 comments:

The Four Moores said...

Not an easy descison you have to make hu! I am sorry! But we will pray for you. We love you tons and good luck!
Love Tyler and Amy

Lindsey said...

That is a difficult decision to make, but I know thru prayer and fasting Heavenly Father will answer. I love the gospel! It just seems so simple sometimes, but not going thru whatever your faced with. WE'll fast adn keep you in our prayers as you try to come to a decision. Love you guys.